Ada’s first bigger Love and Logic lesson
I’ve been reading even more on Love and Logic which is the method that is used at Raintree. I want to fully use it at home. It is a change in thinking than how I was raised–sort of–and it is very easy to revert to that “I Don’t Want To Tell You Again” behavior. Yeah, that phrase. You have all heard it. Well, I have anyhow. You would be amazed to step into Ada’s Montessori classroom. The children, all ages 3-5, are all so well behaved. The goal of Love and Logic is to raise responsible children by giving them the ability to think, make decisions and accept the natural consequences of those decisions. It has been a shift from being what they describe as a Drill Sergeant Parent. I’ve had to shift a lot with Jay, and while we both still have issues every day, I’m spending a lot less time feeling frustrated with him over correcting his 2-year old behavior.
Ada’s bigger lesson today was over getting her coat on this morning. Ada’s SPD does mean I need to adjust the method with her a little, but this morning, she had a little over 10 minutes to get her coat on. I looked up the temperature with her, which was a 25-degree windchill, told her that it was cold outside and that if she didn’t get her coat on by the time we left, she would be really cold going to school without it. I didn’t demand that she put it on, and I didn’t put it on for her. I kept reminding her that she might want to put it on because we will leave even if she hasn’t. She blatantly refused to put it on. The before me would have demanded that she put it on or assisted her in putting it on and just tolerated the meltdown. The new me just said, “Okay, that’s your decision.” Then I had her get in the car without her coat, shoes and gloves. Then I purposely parked at the end of the parking lot, although in the front row, so she had to walk the entire length of the sidewalk without shoes, a coat and gloves. She wanted me to carry her, and I just said, “I’m sorry, I can’t. I have to help Jay.” She complained about being cold, but walked the entire way into the school. And that wind was cold.
I did sneak her coat, gloves and shoes into the car while the kids where piling in, so I was able to go back out and get them so the teacher could handle it and give Ada another opportunity to decide to put them on. When I picked her up, I just asked her if she thought it would be a good decision to wear her coat tomorrow. She said, “Yes, it’s cold!”
We’ll see how tomorrow actually goes, but at least today, there was no frustration on my part and no crying on Ada’s part and maybe, just maybe, she learned something. It’s fine to let them experience consequences when they are very young and the fallout is minor. It is much better than waiting until they are older and the consequences for their bad decisions are much, much worse. A couple of people gave me a glance that said, “Look at that poor girl.” I wasn’t putting her in danger. I was letting her experience discomfort. Society will enjoy Ada more as she gets older if she has to spend five minutes in 25-degree weather under-dressed when she is four.
