More of an explanation on Stu DayTM. You see, it is my opinion that Stu DayTM should be a happy-fun day. It was neither happy nor fun.

Today, was better, but still not a lot of happy or fun until I discovered the monkey-con in the new version of Trillian.
So, if you can find me on any of chat accounts, I’ll send you a monkey!!

So, here is your typical Wednesday feature:
Weekly
Horoscope by Jason Edwards, CAA, PHP, STD, XTC, ADD.

Aries: (March 21-April 19)
Be very careful when communicating your desires. This is the gift-giving
season, and if you ask for the new Robert Greene book, you may receive
the 48 Laws of Power by mistake, instead of The Art of
Seduction, though power IS seductive, but not so conducive to getting
into that frilly French maid costume.

Taurus: (April. 20-May 20)
Emancipate your lust by loaning it to a meek office worker at the annual company
holiday party. Make sure to get at least half the proceeds from any
photocopier hijinx that occur.

Gemini: (May 21-June 21)
Never shop at Toys R Us with a girl who is drunk.

Cancer: (June 22-July 22)
Hello, suave individual. And how are things in smoothville? How’s the slickness
going? You’re all about oiling the social machinery, aren’t you? Well,
watch out for some sand heading your way. Watch out for how quickly you
cotton to its seductive grittiness. I guess that’s the definition of
“cool,” knowing how to turn lemons into lemonade, or in your case,
beaches into boudoirs.

Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22)
Aggressively pursue anything in tight jeans, for the race will cause this person to
lose weight, and the jeans will not be so tight (making them easier to remove, yahoo!).

Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
So you’re on a TV show, and that’s all good, and yeah, you play a lawyer in
the military, whee, what fun. But that won’t be quite as fulfilling as
seeking out a sick little girl in the Pacific Northwest and feeding her
Matzo Ball soup. Trust me. Also, send me your costar’s phone number.
Rrrwowrr.

Libra: (Sept. 23-Oct. 23)
You know what I like about you? That you like how much I like you. In fact,
I’m starting to feel sort of slippery. How does that make you feel?

Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21)
The energy that you have been storing in anticipation of seducing someone
with beautiful skin will be accessed prematurely, resulting in your
getting a hell of a lot of painting done. Surprise: your lover will have
a fresh-paint fetish.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Given that you were born during the holiday season, you are a kind of walking
menorah, a sort of talking Christmas tree. Let people give you gifts.
Don’t sleep with anyone who doesn’t know the difference between Syrah and
Sheraz.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
If you were any smarter, your head would start to resemble one of those
gadgets scientist talk about, a Sierpinski gasket, or something. If you
know what that is, actually, then it’s already too late.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
It’s not seduction if you did it by accident. So quit feeling so guilty. Nor
did the person you woke up with seduce you, either. Let’s face it,
neither of you knew what the hell you were doing, so no one will ever be
able to explain the 47 foam replicas of Phil Collins’ head scattered
about your room. But you loved it, didn’t you?

Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20)
Alrighty, then. Your life will be ruled by metaphors. Everything that happens will
have a different meaning from the literal. Even metaphors will mean
something else. Like this one. Oh, I almost forgot– self reference will
abound. Also, you’ll eat a lot of Cheetos, but that won’t meaning
anything at all.